Hattie is the best. Have I written that recently on my blog? I joke. I write it all the time.
Hiking!
She loves to 'read' the signs.
Wiggle car at Grandma Honey's
Playing restaurant at the park
Our friends had a most wonderful miracle occur- they got to adopt a baby boy! I'm so incredibly happy for all three of them! I helped decorate their house and was proud of the sign I made :)
Later that week we got to go meet the little guy!
We ate popsicles...Hattie was super excited to have a pink tongue!
These two!
Helping mom bake/eating chocolate chips.
Elsa drink turned her tongue blue.
Chores!
Pushing her bike up the hill.
This bike ride was much longer than intended! The way back was rough, with a lot of pushing by mom, but Hattie told me "I had fun with you today Mom" so I think it was all worth it.
She no longer naps, but sometimes she still does :)
I tried to do a fun gender reveal for the Roth girls, but it didn't work too well. The balloons were rather transparent and the girls were afraid to pop the balloons! So Megan did it with a knife instead.
Blue for a boy!
She came out of my and Kurt's room and said in a deep voice, "I'm Kurt Carl Biehl".
This weekend was unexpectedly hard. I had my first breakdown in several weeks while preparing to go up to Iona for the long weekend. I recalled one year ago when I was preparing to go up to Iona for Memorial Day weekend, but with Henry. It was his first long drive in the car and his first (and only) time meeting his great-grandpa. Mom and Clarence, the Roths, and Uncle Todd were all in Iona too. I remember taking these photos of my two sweet kiddos before heading out the door:
I know they're blurry and not the greatest quality, but I loved them then and I love them now. They show my kids' personalities and how much they love each other.
Henry did great on the car ride, slept most of the way, and then woke up when we got there. I took him straight to Grandpa and took these pictures:
They're 94 years apart in age.
We walked around the square, all of us. I remember that day so clearly. I can see Kurt sitting on that bench with Henry while I pushed Hattie in the swing:
And that's when I lost it, in the present day. Sitting in Iona Square, remembering that beautiful day and missing my son. So, incredibly, much.
Henry visited the place he would be buried just six weeks later.
He went in a swing for the first time. He wasn't impressed.
Megan took our only family photos. And I always think when I see these that I really should have done my hair that day.
He rode a lawn mower and was loved on by so many different family members.
Which finally brings us to the present day. We visited the cemetery 5 times in 3 days.
Hattie collected rocks for her brother. It's amazing how comfortable she is there. She says hello upon arrival, usually sits down on his headstone, then runs around for a while, looks at the horses if they're nearby, and on our way out says "I miss you sweet boy". She likes helping me pick out decorations for Henry's grave. I am so incredibly grateful for this wonderful girl.
We of course also remembered my grandma, a WWII vet, over the weekend. I miss her too.
My family's little corner of the cemetery.
Sorry for taking you on an emotional journey. My blog just makes me be super open and honest for some reason, especially when it comes to Henry.
Believe it or not, we did have fun this weekend!
Swimming at Heise- the main pool was open, but super cold so we mostly stayed over in the hot springs side.
I don't know how, but Kurt actually won Hattie a stuffed animal out of one of those claw machines!
We walked, and Hattie rode her bike, over to the Square. We went on the swing set and then Hattie and Kurt played hide and go seek:
We made it home safely. One more first without Henry down, Memorial Day, and not many more to go.
Hattie drew a person the other day and I could actually tell what it was supposed to be!!!
I can't tell you how proud and happy I was to see this. It's kind of a big deal when they start drawing things that actually resemble what they're supposed to be, right?! Well, I was over the moon.
AND THEN! She followed that up with this: Mike Wazowski.
A sister in my ward is a photographer. She did a fundraiser for another family in our ward whose son has cancer. The little boy is the same age as Henry. They were born 3 weeks apart.
I thought this was a wonderful opportunity to help out our friends and to celebrate the pending arrival of our little guy (didn't know he was a boy yet!). This was also our first time getting family photos since Henry's passing. So it was a bittersweet day.
We brought an elephant to represent Henry. I plan on having this elephant in all of our family photos! I'm so happy with how these turned out. Check out more of Kelsie's work on her website.
I couldn't choose just one of Hattie! She's too cute!
We found out right before Henry's birthday that I'm prego! Here's baby's first picture:
I'm due 11-11-16. For those keeping track, my birthday is November 6th. I'm kind of hoping baby is born on my birthday- it would be a wonderful present to have a baby before my due date. I've yet to achieve that.
11 weeks:
All looked good at my second appointment. Baby had definitely grown!
15 weeks. Photo cred: Hattie!
At my 3rd appointment we found out that baby is most likely a boy! I made this announcement for social media. So you know, now it's official.
So that's where we're at! We have the big ultrasound in a couple weeks and my next appointment a week after that. So far everything looks good.
It's different this time around. I can't help but be a bit frightened. I was scared with other two, but for totally different reasons. Hattie- terrified of becoming a parent. Henry- scared of how he would fit into our family. It wasn't even on my radar that one of my children would pass away before me or Kurt. Especially with no warning. No doctor ever told me my son had a heart condition until it was too late to do anything about it. So now, anything is possible. Anything can happen. I try to remember, that anything includes good things too. This baby could be perfectly healthy and live a long life. I pray for that every night. I pray for Hattie's continued health as well.
Those are my thoughts in my low moments.
More often I remember the feeling of holding my own baby in your arms. Of kissing their soft head and getting so incredibly hot holding them, but still not wanting to put them down. I remember those gummy smiles that melt my heart, and not minding being woken up so often...usually. Honestly though, I doubt I will sleep much this time around anyways, so bring on the nighttime feedings!
And I try to live by President Hinckley's advice: "Don't worry! It will all work out!"
We're going on faith this time around, but I know without a doubt that I am meant to be a mother.
P.S. Hattie comes with me to my appointments and it is awesome. When we were leaving the last one she told me "good job mom! I'm so proud of you!" At my second appointment she was very concerned about the "magic jelly" the doctor put on my belly to see baby better. She kept asking if we could wipe it off. But then the next day she told me there was a baby in her belly and she put magic jello-o on her tummy to see it better! She is amazing. She's 500x more aware of what's happening this time around and seems very excited. Hattie is a fantastic big sister!
