In the weeks leading up to delivery, I told anyone who was willing to listen that I wanted my son to be born on my birthday.
I'm sure my sister Megan heard this several times, and encouraged me to write down what I wanted to happen in the delivery. I wrote in my journal: I would like this baby to be born early, preferably on my birthday. I want labor to be fast, I'd like him to have brown eyes (like me. I want at least one child with brown eyes!), weigh less than 10lbs, and above all, I want him to be healthy.
I had myself quite convinced that Baby would be born on my birthday. So much so, that we planned to celebrate a day early, just in case.
So, on Saturday November 5th, we went out to breakfast. Hattie and I spent the afternoon together while Kurt went to the library. I got a pedicure, courtesy of Megan, then we went out to dinner (Thai food, my favorite) with the Roths, and back to our house for some ice cream. It was an easygoing, happy birthday, with wonderful food.
The Husky's played that night and the game went late. I went to lay down in bed while Kurt continued watching. I started feeling little twinges. Soon, Kurt came to bed, but I told him he might as well go finish watching the game- I'm pretty sure contractions had started. This was about 11:30pm. By 12:30am on November 6, my 29th birthday, contractions were 2 minutes apart and Kurt decided we should go to the hospital.
Joe came over and slept on the couch so we didn't have to wake Hattie. After he arrived we headed to the hospital! We walked into the ER where they said, "so...you're in labor?" and then wheeled me up to Labor and Delivery. The computer system was down for an update, so even though I had pre-registered they asked me several questions, including- date of birth?
All the nurses were quite excited to hear it was my birthday and that in all likelihood our son would share my birthday. The atmosphere changed after they asked about other children, deliveries, and concerns for this child.
We told them about Henry and that this baby would need an echocardiogram before being discharged from the hospital- per our pediatric cardiologists instructions. The nurses were all very kind and apologetic, but quickly moved on to another topic.
I was finally checked in and they got me into a room. The nurse checked me- 4.5cm and 90% effaced. They called my doctor who told them to let me labor on my own until it's time to deliver, unless things really slow down and then give me some pitocin and call her in. And to get me an epidural whenever I wanted (I got one a few hours later).
Shift change happened soon after our arrival, as did daylight savings. At 2am the hospital sets back the clocks. Kurt was a great helper as he was able to reach the analog clock without using a chair.
Our new nurse was very kind. After a couple hours she told me I was textbook- progressing 1cm every hour. At one point she entered the room and exclaimed "IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?!" She hadn't been there when we arrived and was very excited to learn the news. She wrote on our white board "Happy Birthday Charity and Roman" complete with balloons and confetti.
Around 7am my doctor arrived at the hospital. My water still hadn't broken even though I was 7-8cm (one nurse told me it was like a bag of steel) so Dr. Cardona broke it in hopes that labor would speed up and I'd fully dilate quicker. Unlike my previous two deliveries, labor actually slowed down a bit. So I was then given some pitocin to speed it up again. Around 8:30, my doctor came back in a said it should be time to deliver! She got out the sterilized tray, called in the baby team, and then checked me...I still had about half a centimeter left to dilate! Whoops! Dr. Cardona apologized saying she should have checked before calling everyone.
Around 9am, the doctor checked me again and this time I was fully dilated and ready to push. She called everyone back in and very quickly after, Roman Henry Biehl was born at 9:15am on his mother's birthday.
The doctor held up my red and crying baby, then he was placed on my chest. He immediately calmed down, which made me tear up. He knew me!
Roman weighed in at 8lbs 6oz (smaller than we were expecting as Henry was 9lbs 11oz, but he was 5 days early) and was 21in long. He was perfect! And still is :)
After a couple hours, I was wheeled over to recovery. The nurse informed everyone we passed- "it's her birthday! Her son was just born on his mom's birthday!" She wasn't kidding about being really excited.
And then we arrived at our recovery room- the exact same room we were brought to after having Henry. I'm sure he was there with us in that room again.
I wasn't sure how things would go emotionally this time around. Labor, delivery, and recovery went great with Henry, but the idea of holding my own baby in my arms again...it's a lot. Being able to hold, kiss, squeeze, nurse, change diapers, everything! I missed it all, and now I got to do it again, but with a different baby. And I was so happy to be doing it. The joy outweighed the fear.
Recovery went ok. I tore during delivery which required stitches, and my left leg remained dead long after the epidural wore off, which was annoying. I couldn't walk and needed helping going to the bathroom (which isn't a fun experience after labor anyways). I had never had this problem with an epidural before and did not like it. But eventually feeling came back and I was able to walk again, unassisted.
And then the pediatrician came in. I did not like him (he was on call, not our regular pediatrician). I found him arrogant and condescending. He was hesitant to order the echo for Roman because he hadn't examined the baby himself and it was highly unusual to get an echo on a baby this young.
I wanted to smack him. Yes, it's unusual. It's unusual for a baby to unexpectedly pass away at 3.5 months, so we're doing everything in our power to ensure it doesn't happen again with his brother. If you have any questions feel free to contact the pediatric cardiology team at Primary Children's- they told us to get the scan and they are the ones who will be reading the results.
It's been two months and I'm obviously still a little annoyed :) I inwardly cringed every time the pediatrician entered our room after that first interaction.
Despite the doctor's hesitation, the echo was performed and came back clean. Roman was subjected to lots of other tests, as all newborns are. They poked his heel, checked his hearing (which he failed the first time, but passed with flying colors the second time), checked bilirubin levels, and other things I can't remember anymore. Everything came back good.
Hattie was able to visit us in the hospital! When Henry was born, no one under the age of 14 was allowed to visit, not even siblings. It was so wonderful to have her come meet her brother:
And it was made all the better for Hattie when she found a bag of chips 'just for her' (leftover from lunch, actually). She was very excited about the chips :)
Side note: at least 3 nurses commented on my cute pedicure. Glad I got my toes done!
We opted to be discharged after staying only one night. Hospitals are not comfortable, especially for Kurt who gets to sleep in the chair the folds out into a "bed". So we went home as soon as possible.
But before leaving, all parents have to watch a 2 hour video on infant care and safety. Including a segment on infant CPR, which brought on some unpleasant flashbacks. I started crying, for the first time throughout this whole experience. I never want to do that again. I shoved my feelings down quickly though as a nurse came in to check on us.
And so, on the evening of November 7th, we headed home!
The first couple weeks were difficult. I was often brought to tears, remembering doing this not too long ago, but with a different baby who is no longer here. And then I would cry more, fearing I could lose this baby too. Roman did not sleep well at all, which made everything worse.
But after a couple weeks, things started improving. I was reminded less of Henry, as I got to know this new little human, he became his own person. Roman started sleeping better too. The fear started to subside as well, but still rears its head at times. I imagine I will continue to be fearful occasionally, especially as we approach 3.5 months. But I have been given several reassurances from Heavenly Father that all will be well. I pray for Roman's health and safety continually.
But on the whole, I'm happy. Roman has helped to soothe my broken heart, and those of his dad and sister as well. He is so peaceful. Just looking at him, or even thinking about him as I type this, brings tears of happiness and gratitude to my eyes. We love you Roman! Thank you for coming to our family.
All but one of my wishes for Roman came true: he was born on my birthday, he weighed less than 10 pounds, labor went pretty fast, he doesn't have brown eyes, but he is, most importantly, healthy. I feel like this is a tender mercy from Heavenly Father- especially Roman being born on my birthday. It's like he's showing me that he is aware of me and my desires. Similarly, Gram passed away on Henry's birthday. I can't explain why or what exactly, but it feels meaningful and purposeful.
I love you more than I'm able to describe in words, Roman. But I'll give it a try, here on my blog :) Welcome to the world my beautiful boy!
