Everyday

After her 3 year appointment!  We got to do a couple new things this year- blood pressure cuff and a vision test.  They have different pictures in place of letters for the test- before having her stand so many feet away the nurse made sure Hattie knew what the pictures were- apple, cake, shoe, etc.  One of the pictures was a flag:

Nurse: Do you know what this is?
Hattie: It's an American.
pause
Me: Flag.  It's an American flag. (it was not an American flag, just a nondescript flag, FYI)

Hattie loves to go see the trains!

We have gone to the Children's Museum several times and Hattie will sometimes participate in the partici-play!  This was her first time.  The guy said he needed a princess and Hattie stood right up with her arm raised and said "I'm a princess!" an then walked down to get her costume.  It was amazing.  She did so great!

Another time she was a rabbit with her cousin Charlotte.

And this time she was a smelly ogre!  Hilarious!  She later changed her mind, but not before I snapped a picture.  She's the cutest, smallest ogre I've ever seen.

Hattie selfies!

Tired girl!

She's imitating me in this one.

Play-doh dresses!

Decorating cookies!

And best of all, it's getting warm enough to swing on the back porch again.

I thought I did a good job on her hair this day:

She's been loving to paint recently as well:

Painting with dad!

And of course we remember and think of Henry every day.  I still have breakdowns, but keeping active and busy helps.  I've started running the past couple weeks and in the very least it's been helping me to sleep better at night.  March 3rd will be eight months since he passed away and March 15th is a big one.  His first birthday.  I try not to think about it.

And then we'll be in a 3 1/2 month period where a year ago Henry had been alive.  A thought I've had through the holidays, birthdays, and events since July 3rd is that I wish I had had just one with Henry.  One Halloween where I could have dressed him up.  One Thanksgiving where I could have fed him turkey and mashed potatoes.  One Christmas.  I could have given him gifts, sang carols, and cherished my little boy during a time that is all about family.  I kept thinking, if I could have only had one holiday with him- then I could have happy memories to remember at this time, and not just notice his absence.  And now I get to see if it's true- Easter, Mother's Day and Father's Day we had with Henry last year.  I'm sure it will be a different kind of hard.

Thanks for reading!  I know I tend to ramble and I can't help but write about Henry.  I don't get to talk about him much anymore, not like I wish I could.  I wish I had updates on his growth and development, funny things he does, for my 'Everyday' posts.  But I don't, and I'm still figuring out how to live with that.

I can't remember if I wrote it here or in my journal, but just before Henry was born I wrote that I knew it would be hard.  Everything would be difficult, we would need to adjust everything, but we would, and soon enough it would become our new normal.  And it wouldn't be so hard anymore, it would just be the way things are.  It only took a few weeks to find my new normal after Henry arrived, he was so perfect and such a wonderful addition to our family.  I haven't found my new normal yet since his passing, at least I haven't fully adjusted to it yet.

Again, thanks for reading.  I do tend to ramble ;)  Love and miss you Henry!

Valentine's Day!

We didn't do much for Valentine's Day.  Hattie and I made tissue paper flowers for decorations, Kurt bought me real flowers, and Kurt and Hattie made me a little sign.  They crafted for me :)  I love my little family!

All pink!

I love when she smiles big for the camera!

Family selfie!

As always, we wish you had been here for your first Valentine's Day Henry! Love and miss you sweet boy.

Letters

Hattie: drew some lines on a paper, "look Mom!!!"

Me: Great lines Hattie!

Hattie: They're not lines, they're L's!  

As in the letter 'L'.  I didn't teach her, she just picked it up!  Thank you Super Why!  That's the only explanation I have.

A few days later, while making Valentine's for her nursery class, she showed me this- look Mom! A 'C'!

Since then I have taught her 'O' and 'H'.  And just recently she 'reads' signs to me.  Today on our walk she told me one sign said "H-I-J-K please pass".  This girls is adorable and a genius.  I'm lucky to be her mom!

Gymnastics

Hattie got to participate in her cousins' gymnastic class.  It was adorable!  She was terrified of the zip line though...she hasn't mentioned wanting to go back so she might not follow in her mom's footsteps.  It was cute while it lasted!

Idaho

Sadly, my friend Jeanette's dad passed away at the end of January.  I used to be at a complete loss, not knowing what to do when someone loses a loved one, and I'd keep my distance.  

I still don't know what to do, but I do know that those who called, who visited, who came to Henry's funeral, who remember each anniversary of his passing, those who mourn with me, are so important.  I love them.  So even though I don't know what to say, and I probably smiled too much for a sad occasion (Hattie can make anyone smile!), and I brought my noisy toddler, I was there.  I'm learning what it means to mourn with those who mourn.  It's hard, but it brings people closer and hopefully lets those who are mourning know that they aren't alone.  

Jeanette's dad is from a small town in Idaho, only 15 minutes from where my Grandpa lives.  We were able to spend a couple days with Grandpa, see Jeanette, and visit Henry's grave.  Jeanette stayed with her family in Utah for the rest of the week- we got to see her again a few days after the funeral.  Despite the circumstances, it was great to see you Jeanette!  We love you!  And as Hattie said after our day together, "I'm very sad about Jeanette leaving."

Some Valentine's Day decorations for our little man:

   

Provo City Center Temple Open House

We went to the open house for the new temple in Provo.  It used to be the tabernacle, but burned down several years ago.  It's a small temple, but it's beautiful!  I have loved being able to see so many different temples since living in Ogden.  We have gone to open houses for Ogden, Payson, and now Provo temples.  Hattie loves going and Henry went to the Payson open house with us.  It's a special and fun experience.  I can't help but think of Henry- think of what the temple represents, think of my eternal family, and remember that I once went to an open house with my sweet boy.  He's ever present, even though he's not seen.  Gosh I miss him.

Anyways, photos:  It snowed a ton that day- we got several inches.

Kurt's cousin and his family were in Provo the same day!  We met up with them and cheered on Caleb in his tournament.  It was so great to see the Hendersons!