I was inspired by the presentation the stake gave and determined to make it happen! This was the first week of November 2015, so only 4 months after Henry's passing. Memorizing this document impacted me more than expected, and I'm incredibly grateful for the challenge that was issued.
We made these books as a ward to help in our memorization.
Here's a copy of my talk if you're interested in reading about my experience:
The Living Christ Fireside
October 13, 2016
Ogden, Utah Stake
In order to understand the impact memorizing The Living
Christ has had on my life, I need to give you some back story.
It all began on March 15, 2015 with the birth of our son,
Henry. We were overjoyed to welcome our
sweet, perfect son into the world, and loved him immediately. The next 3.5 months went incredibly
smoothly. Life was a dream, I even
remember when woken up at night, I wasn’t annoyed or grumpy. I would just be
happy to spend more time with my little son.
All his check-ups were normal, and as far as anyone could tell Henry was
a healthy boy.
Until he wasn’t. We
were shocked when Henry unexpectedly stopped breathing and after three days at
Primary Children’s hospital, on July 3, 2015, Henry passed away from this life. He had an undiagnosed heart condition. We still don’t really know why his heart
malfunctioned- all tests have been inconclusive.
Understandably, it was a very difficult time for my family,
a very difficult time for me. I don’t
have time to relate all that transpired, the ups and downs, the lessons
learned, but something that helped me through (and still helps me deal with my
grief), was recognizing small miracles and tender mercies from my Heavenly
Father. I may not have received the big miracle that I wanted, but in
retrospect I can see so many miracles before and after my son’s passing that
show God’s hand in my life. That even
though he has asked this impossibly hard task of me, he hasn’t left me to do it
alone.
Memorizing “The Living Christ” has been one of those small
miracles. I was called to be in the RS
presidency just 3 months after Henry’s passing.
I was a bit unsure, but accepted the calling. Soon after was the Stake RS’s presentation on
the theme for 2016: The Living Christ. I
felt greatly inspired by their words and committed that night in November to memorize
the Living Christ.
I worked on it intermittently through March, when we had a
ward activity at which Sister Terrenia Porter spoke. She is an amazing artist who has had some
spectacular experiences, painting peoples’ loved ones who have passed away. One story she shared was of a mother who lost
her son unexpectedly in a car accident just days before he was set to leave on
his mission. This mother struggled, just
like me, after her son’s death, but one day she had a revelation. As she looked out her kitchen window
throughout the day she noticed the sunflowers, and how they moved to always be
pointed at the sun. And she realized it
was that simple (and yet difficult)- she needed to direct herself toward
the son, Jesus Christ. That was how she
would get through this.
This story moved me to tears, as I thought “that’s what I
need to do! Direct myself toward Christ, but how? How do I do this more
frequently, more consistently?” And the
words formed very clearly in my head- The Living Christ is your sunflower.
Nighttime was the worst.
I would remember the awful details of those last few days, often ending
in uncontrollable crying, and very little sleep. I was exhausted, which I think added to my
grief. But now I had a plan. As soon as my mind started going down the
dark path that led to sadness and sleepless nights, I would start reciting The
Living Christ in my head. At first, I
would say the same few paragraphs repeatedly, but as I got further along I had
to concentrate to remember what came next.
Not only did reciting The Living Christ distract me from me
unhelpful mental anguish, but it redirected me to the light- to our
savior. It reminded me that I was not
alone, that my brother, my savior, knew what I was suffering. That through “his great atoning sacrifice” I
can one day be with my perfect son Henry again.
It may seem like just a small thing, but it is small
miracles that have gotten (and are getting) me through the biggest trial of my
life. I will always miss Henry, and I
may never fully understand why he so suddenly left our earthly family, but I
have faith. I have faith because our
savior who is “the light, the life, and the hope of this world” promised that
families are forever. And “his way is
the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to
come”. I can be happy now, despite
hardships, and I can have joy in the next life, where I will be reunited with
my entire family.
I am so grateful that I took up the call to
memorize The Living Christ. It wasn’t
easy, but if there’s anything I’ve learned in the past 15 months it’s that I
can do hard things! I can do them with
my savior by my side. I feel like you/these
sisters (the stake RS presidency) were inspired to issue this challenge, just
for my benefit. So, thank you.
I took a selfie after getting through the whole thing (with only the pictures in the book to help me) for the first time.
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