And I've learned the answer to that question in the past year. You don't. I have never left Henry and he hasn't left me. I think of him all the time, he's a part of me, a part of my eternal family. I don't think I'll ever understand why this happened, but I'm learning to live with it. I've learned that even among the most difficult trials, there are blessings to be found. I've learned to rely on the Savior- his atonement was not only for our sins, but for our sorrows. Only he knows my pain, not even Kurt has had the same journey as me. I've learned to trust in God's plan for me and my family, even when I don't understand, even a little. I still don't know what he has in store for us, but I feel like things are in the works and big stuff is ahead for our little family. I've learned that you can let trials make you bitter, or they can make you better. Henry's passing could be my downfall, or it can be the reason I'm stronger, more empathetic, kinder, more faithful, a better wife and mother. I'd rather Henry be proud of who I become because of his short life, than be disappointed. And I've learned that writing can be therapeutic. Through journaling, blogging, and even short posts on Instagram, I have been able to better process my emotions and come to understand myself better.
Which finally brings me to July 3, 2016, Henry's first Angel Day. Kurt's family, Mom and Clarence, and the Roths all went out to Idaho with us. We first went to church, where I stepped outside of my comfort zone and bore my testimony- in a ward that's not my own nonetheless. We then went to the Iona Cemetery.
I brought pictures, the elephant we use to represent Henry in photos, and had everyone paint rocks to place on Henry's grave. Hattie loves to pick up rocks and put them on his grave, so I thought it a fitting tribute.
Balloons!
Family picture. Hattie is sitting on Henry's elephant. Also- I made some shirts. I realize this was probably over the top, but I also figured I had a good excuse to be a little crazy :)
Mom and Megan played 'Man in Moon' on the hand bells which made me cry. It's the song my mom wrote for her son, my older brother I never knew, after he passed away. The lyrics were printed on the back of the program at Henry's funeral.
We hung out and let the kids play the rest of the afternoon and evening. Hattie had a huge, massive meltdown in the morning (she didn't want to wear her Henry shirt), which Kurt graciously took care of. I wasn't in a great place to handle a screaming child. I'm incredibly grateful for Kurt's patience!
Moppy tried to teach the kids tennis. Hattie never hit the ball, but she was pretty cute!
Trying to fly a kite:
Playing with the Cabbage Patch dolls. Luke is such a good sport!
Kurt, Hattie, and I returned to Henry's grave in the evening. I like to go see the lights lit up.
Overall, it wasn't a terrible day. I felt loved and uplifted, and had already gotten my huge meltdown out of the way :) I'm grateful for all the family that came to support us!
We love Henry Biehl!
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